I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
