I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
