Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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