this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
