it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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