Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
