So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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