I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
