I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
