Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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