The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
