A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
