so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
