Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
