I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
