I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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