I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
