He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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