I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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