You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
