when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
