"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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