Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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