Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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