Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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