Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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