Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
