she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
