I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
