I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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