playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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