FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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