I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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