Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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