My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
