hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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