Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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