I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
