I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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