reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
