you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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