Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
