Your face is a jimmy john
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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