i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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