They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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