WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
