I didn't shave. On purpose
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
