nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
