i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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