lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
