i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
