Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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