You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
